I want to regurgitate to you an insightful
conversation I had with a friend regarding, ironically, conversations. Let’s
call him Joe.
Joe referred to a speech he heard
describing Canadian homes as being like vaults or safes. “It’s not easy for
people to invite others into their homes or open it up to strangers,” he said
in more or less those words. Inviting people into your home is a powerful thing
– it abandons pretenses and prejudices, evokes openness and ingenuity. But, he
points out, “mostly, we meet at coffee shops or bars instead of having chance
encounters and random conversations…”
A random encounter in Brussels led to dinner with Ata, a lovely and wise old man - twice! |
Every time block of our lives is becoming
compartmentalized for specific tasks. As a result, we have become slaves to our
own agendas. Every week, day and even hour is mentally predestined. We are
either living in the future or dwelling on the past. During scheduled
appointments half our minds are already on the next appointment. We hurry from place
to place not even factoring in time for traffic delays, as if expecting the
vehicles on the street to magically part like the Red Sea for Moses.
The time stress we induce on our own
psyches is phenomenal. Yet today it’s become a sort of badge of honour to be busy.
Recognition is heaped upon productivity superstars, reputation bestowed upon ultra-performers,
with jealous competitors not far behind, taking on more aggressive schedules to
get ahead. Sacrificed, in the name of efficiency overdrive is quality and
integrity, fostered only with patience and care. With less time, everything we do is
more prone to mistakes. With less time, we put on a superficial mask in front
of everyone we meet.
With less time there is less opportunity
for, you guessed it, chance encounters and random conversations. No time for a bump and a
chat with a friend on the street. Time to help somebody who is lost find their
way. Time to invite people into our homes. No, there is only time to share a
quick drink at a coffee shop before our next task beckons.
Sometimes not even that. Joe told me
how frustrated he became when we were having trouble meeting up before I left
on my trip because he was too busy. “I did not have the flexibility to change
my schedule to have that spontaneity… we try to force randomness in our
schedule rather than providing randomness the opportunity to find us.”
Free hugs event in London - random encounters at its awkwardest! |
Individuals in our rushed culture are
compartmentalizing more than just their time. Private vehicles are isolating commuters
from interacting with strangers on the sidewalk or on buses or subways. Our
homes, like broken ice sheets in the Antarctic, are drifting further apart,
isolating us from our neighbours. The homes themselves are becoming larger and
filled with more and more valuable possessions, further ensuring that we will
never trust strangers in our home. Not so in other cultures such as India,
where people live in smaller and denser tight-knit communities, have fewer
possessions in their homes but are very warm and welcoming.
Planning out our lives, whether it’s the
next 5 years or 5 minutes, gives us some stability amidst unpredictability, but
we lose the magic of the moment. Nowhere have I learned this lesson more than
in long-term travelling. Abandoning nearly all my possessions, concrete plans and
time constraints, I find myself open to chance encounters and meetings. Each
meeting brings with it the potential for fun and adventure, and is not
considered time wasted or a distraction. Some meetings blossom into stronger connections.
But at the very least I get a smile, an assurance that I made someone's day better.
I told my friend that “back home we are all
about individuality. We each have ambitions and needs which don’t really fit
into harmony with other people’s lives, and so we exclude them. Travelling
forces us to intertwine our fates with others.” But even most of us travel on
prepackaged vacations designed for maximum privacy with a nice beachfront view.
Budapest host - Couchsurfing means opening up your home - whether it's 1 or 6 people! |
So try something different for once. Clear your schedule for the following week as much as possible. When that week arrives, you may find yourself more relaxed, clear of mind, even a little excited about the endless possibilities of a week with no obligations. Anything can happen. Randomness is invited. Don't worry, it may feel a little strange at first to have nothing to do or worry about, but you'll grow into it.
I would like to conclude with some excerpts
from Joe's closing rant: “when you’re not busy it is easy to feel alone
because everyone is busy so you feel the need to compete… but if you don’t have
the time just to have the opportunity for randomness and for keeping your doors
open… how are we supposed to connect with people beyond a superficial level?”